I have never had a broken bone. When I was playing football, I went too hard at a person that was blocking my way. So, I went full on and when I hit that person, I heard a big pop. Then I thought that I had broken a bone but when I got up I did not have a broken bone. The other person did because he hit me in the wrong way. He should have just put his shoulder in to me to stop me from coming a just pushed up on me and make me fall and after the game. I went to see if he was all right. He said that he was doing ok. So, after that we became friends tell this day.
Nick
2 comments:
Nick,
I really like the title of your story: I think it's unique and you have a good story, too. I can't imagine people playing football without getting hurt. Although I am not a big football fan, I enjoy watching it! Going back to your story, I think that you should expand more on how you and the other person collided and describe the feelings you felt after that hit. This way, the reader can picture what happened if they were actually there. Additionally, the bulk of your story should also include more about the other person who broke his bone. Tell us how he looked like and how he felt after the hit. Maybe you can add how you helped him and specifically how you became friends with him. I think that this is going to be a great story. I personally think that writing a story from our personal experience can really capture other people's attention or feelings. I'm sure you have many more great personal stories to share, so please keep writing! Your "Broken Bone" story is like a memoir. You're off to a good start Nick! You're doing good.
~Rea~
COMPOSITION 150-83
nick i think you need to put more detail into it. the rest was good
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