Friday, October 23, 2009

Persuasive: Final Draft

Ha have you ever been to Las Vegas? Well I have it was for my birthday I was truing 14 when we went to Vegas. We had a very long drive, we had a lot of excitement and we were all happy that we were going to Vegas. Because we had to save a lot of our money for 6 months. I hadn’t spent money for 6 months that we saved up. Then we were all most there when our car started to act up so we desisted that we need to get to a gas station to see what was going on so when we pulled up to the gas station we opened the hood of the car and we saw that there was antifreeze going all over the radiator so we went to work looking for a hole and when we found it we fixed it and it was hard for me and my dad to get it and so it took us about a hour. Then when we got back on the road it was so good that meant that we were heading to Vegas again and I felt that no one could stop us and we got more excited then what we were all ready because we got closer and that meant that we out of Utah and we were in Arizona and one state a way from Vegas and it was get very late and ever one was tired. When we got there we were to excited that we did not wont to go to bed so we were up tell the sun all most came out and then we finally all fell a sleep and we did not wake up tell it was about 12:00 in the afternoon so we got up and went swimming in the coolest looking pool that I have ever saw it was like a octagon and it was the biggest pool that was in Vegas and then when sun was starting to go down we went back to our room and change our cloths and got ready to go out to the big city and to see what all was in Vegas that we did not know what was there.

Nick

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

I really liked how you used specific examples in your writing to tell the story. I was able to visualize when your car broke down and when you went swimming because of the detailed examples you used. Keep up the writing, you have the ability to paint a detailed picture of what happened, and keep the reader intrigued.
Randy CO150-89

Anonymous said...

Nick,
I see a big difference from when I first read the introduction to your persuasive paper to now reading the final draft. You did a very thorough job in explaining your lengthy trip to Vegas. Not only did you have to deal with the long drive, but you also had to fix your car when it broke down. This made the ending to your story more exciting because the reader is waiting in suspense to hear what happened when you finally arrived.
Kayla
CO150-89

ricardo said...

Thats crazy you, sound really fun. Thats sucks that you couldn't play the games or stuff like that. Well nice thing right here i like what's about.

Brandi said...

This is a really good paper. I like how descriptive you are. Also I love Vegas. It is a wonderful place. Im glad you had fun there.

April said...

That sounds like a crazy road trip but at least you made it right? I would be way excited to if i went there for my birthday.I would probably be in that pool all day though cause it sounded like a tight pool.